Music Teacher's Helper Blog

OK, get ready.  No instrument is sacred here!  (Warning:  Woodwind and brass players should not read this while playing.)

The prodigy:  A boy said to his dad, “I want to be a musician when I grow up.”  His dad said, “Hold on there son, you can’t do both.”

Harmonica: What do you call a harmonica player’s accompanist?  Fido.

Viola:  The violist said to the violinist, “You know, we violists can play 64th notes.”  The violinist said, “Oh, yeah?  Let’s hear them.”  So the violist played him one.

Altos:  How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?  None.  They can’t get up that high.

Oboe:  What is a minor second?  Two oboes playing in unison.

French Horn:  How can you make a trombone sound like a French horn?  Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

Bagpipes:  Why do pipers always walk while they play?  To get away from the noise.

OH YES, LOTS MORE BELOW…

How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?  Five–one to change the bulb and four to say, “Oh, I could do that.”

Violin:  Which is bigger, a violin or a viola?  They’re actually the same size, it’s just that the violinist’s head is bigger.

Cello:  What’s the difference between a cello and a buzz-saw?  Vibrato.

Bass:  How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?  None, the pianist can do it with his left hand.

Harp: It’s tough to be harpist–you spend half your time tuning and the other half playing out of tune.

Piano:  What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?  A flat minor.  What about if you drop it on an army base?  A flat major.

Organ:  Why did Bach have so many children?  His organ had no stops.

Piccolo:  Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?  That was no piccolo, that was my fife.

Banjo:  What’s perfect pitch on a banjo?  When you pitch it into the dumpster without hitting the rim.

Why are there no banjos in Star Trek?  Because it’s the future.

Accordion:  How is an accordion like a lawsuit?  Everyone’s happiest when the case is closed for good.

Drummer:  One time the guitarist locked his keys in the car.  It took him 2 hours to get the drummer out.

What do you call the beautiful woman on the drummer’s arm?   A tattoo.

Conductor:  How is an orchestra different from a bull?  The bull’s got the horns in front and the ***hole in the back.

Soprano:  How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?  One–she holds the light bulb and the world revolves around her.

Jazz musician:  How do you end up with a million dollars playing jazz music?  You start with 2 million.

Bagpipes:  Why do pipers always walk while they play?  So they’re harder to hit.

Tuba:  What kind of calendar does a tuba player use?  Year-at-a-Glance.

How do you know there’s a musician at your door?  Because about a half hour ago, you ordered pizza.

Guitar:  How do you get a guitar player to play quieter?  Give him sheet music.

Singer/songwriter:  What’s the difference between a singer/songwriter and a puppy?  The puppy stops whining after 6 months.

Trombones & Saxophones:  What’s the difference between the trombone section and the saxophone section?  The trombones weren’t meant to sound like two cats in a fight, but they do.

Piano:  Why are a pianist’s fingers like lightning?  They rarely strike the same spot twice.

Bass:  Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist?  Because the timpanist de-tuned one of the bass strings and wouldn’t say which one.

Timpanist:  How do you know when there’s a timpanist at your door?  Because he bangs too hard and never knows when to come in.

Sax and clarinet:  How do you put down a tenor sax?  Confuse it with a bass clarinet.

Flute:  What’s the difference between a flute and a flutist?  The flute has its head on straight.

Diva:  Did you hear about the female singer with the low voice?  She was known as the deep C diva.