AUTHOR’S NOTE: I originally wrote this as a post for my Music and Social Change blog, www.musicequalslove.com, but I decided to post it here instead. After 6 years of teaching in Los Angeles, I have observed that we are truly in a revolutionary period of music education, and the new generations of musicians need to be taught to be compassionate to themselves and others. Music practice can teach us many metaphors for life, and making mistakes is a HUGE one for me. As your typical perfectionist high school student, I practiced several hours everyday, performed a few times a week, taught myself guitar, got lead roles in the musicals, and still had energy to mentally abuse myself every time I made a mistake. Being that hard on myself led to many problems that I won’t go into, but my point is that the “mistake metaphor” I discuss below is told from a very personal perspective. I have had many students confess that they have experienced difficult emotions in past classes that made them believe they had no musical talent at all. This thought was very depressing to everyone who has ever said it to me. I have even had students cry in my lessons at the moment when they finally believe they really can play. Music is important and everyone should learn. You know that already. What our students need is compassion and we also need to have compassion for ourselves. We can learn compassion by noticing how we handle mistakes.
“If you make a mistake, just turn it into something beautiful.” That’s what my elementary school art teacher said to us in class. She was the most laid back teacher at our school, so I took her statement literally and I just assumed she was talking about everything else and art. Mistakes are not really mistakes. They are simply reminders to “go with the flow.” Don’t scold yourself for being “imperfect.” Playing the piano, or any other instrument, or singing, is difficult. Life can be difficult. So difficult at times, that it is hard to be perfect. Wait– am I talking about piano or life?
I’ve always noticed metaphors in music practice. One involves the act of making mistakes. It’s a bummer, and you can always tell more about someone by how they handle their music mistakes. There are several ways to handle mistakes. You can act like no one noticed. You can improvise and turn it into a different song. You can get really mad and smash your guitar. You can blame the weather or your distracting friend. It’s up to you. The ideal reaction is number two on the above list.
Using the word “mistake” is part of the problem. Just like a minor chord’s vibrations can make you feel calm, sad, mysterious, melencholy and a Major chord has the power to uplift you, words also carry emotional power. The word “mistake” most likely makes you feel negative when it is in reference to you. If you make it a habit to scold yourself for “mistakes,” it’s like you are listening to an iPod playlist filled with music that is not Major or minor, but instead dissonant, clashing, and rhythmically inconsistent.
Stop. Pause. Change the tune! There is a different way to handle mistakes. Scolding yourself will not make you any better at music, so improvise. Turn it into something beautiful. How will you do that? Slightly change the rhythm to accommadate this new note? Change the key so that clashing sound quickly becomes “just right?” Slide up to the right note, and give it a little Country twang?
If you can master this approach on your instrument, you can try the same approach in the rest of your life. The word “mistake” may slow down it’s frequency in your vocabulary. Think about it. Just for today, try to be kind to yourself when you make any mistakes at all. Whether that mistake is missing a note, starting in the wrong key, arguing with your friend, acting selfish or mean, running late for an appointment, each occasion is an opportunity to practice improvising. Just use that highly developed musical brain of yours in every occasion mentioned above, so that you can make the best decision and turn the dissonant chord into a beautiful, calm inducing Major 7th chord. Ahhhh. Sounds nice!
While I do think that there is room for just letting go of mistakes, even making them into new compositions, students need to learn the right and the wrong way of doing things. I don’t want to create a bunch of careless musicians who think that everything is relative. It’s a nice thought, truly it is, but is it practical in all aspects of life?
Yes. Here are just a couple examples I came up with. I’m sure you could come up with some too.
1. Your roommate is criticizing you for leaving your clothes on the bathroom floor. Her tone of voice is really irate… You naturally feel defensive. Do you decide to yell back, or come up with a different solution? This is improvising. Taking the time to pause and notice an uncomfortable situation and choosing your options wisely and quickly. Just like improvising with a band.
2. You are driving and someone cuts you off on the road. You choose to honk and yell profanity at him. Now you feel more irritated than you did before, when you could have just paused and think. You could have let it go, and just go on with your day. Those are only 2 options, but you can use your improvisational skills to make a choice that doesn’t leave your feathers ruffled.
Learning how to improvise well in your music practice can make you a quick thinker and more aware of your present situation. Those are important qualities needed when making decisions about your life, whether it’s big decisions, or small ones like whether or not to give into road rage.
If your student is playing a composed piece of music, she needs to fix the mistakes. But I was talking about *improvising* and *jamming*. Most importantly, the point I am trying to illustrate is to make compassionate choices in the way we deal with mistakes. Mostly the way we talk to ourselves. You must work to play music “by the rules” but it is not necessary to scold yourself, or mentally abuse yourself, in the process. That is the point I am trying to make, and yes, that most definitely is practical in all aspects of life.
There is a BIG difference between being a “careless musician,” as you state it, and a compassionate musician. In fact, a musician who is **consciously** compassionate with himself and others is most likely to be more detail-oriented and careful with the notes, because compassionate self-talk takes a lot of self-awareness…. something else that music practice helps. It’s just a never ending cycle of goodness
That’s a useful article for any budding musician. Perfectionism is a trap because it doesn’t exist. I like this quote:
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” ~ Scott Adams
Michelle, love your observations on life metaphors in music practice. You expressed this so well!
Like you, I have come to the conclusion that music lessons encompass so much more than just learning to play the instrument. I also try to teach my students to be self-aware and make choices as to how they will respond to a musical ‘mishap’. So many students are so hard on themselves–I try to teach them to lighten up and embrace the process of learning. Mistakes provide us with opportunities to teach (and learn) problem-solving skills, self-awareness and reflection, stress-management and coping skills, improvisation…and so much more! These are not only good skills to develop whilst learning to play an instrument, but they are critical life skills as well.
Thanks for your fabulous post!
Robyn