2 weeks ago, I had to bring my husband to the Emergency Room. He was having some painful reactions to the outpatient surgery he had had done just 3 days earlier. It was 11:00 at night, and I just knew that we would be waiting at Cedars Sinai for at least 4 hours. After 2 previous ER trips the nights before, I realized I needed to let go of the idea of of either one of us getting any sleep at all. My husband looked like he was in terrible pain and I couldn’t stand the thought of him having to wait in the ER waiting room again for as long as he had the nights before. I suddenly remembered that one of my student’s Dad was on the Board at Cedar’s. I was very close to this family and they had told me that if we ever had to go to the ER, to call them first. I did so, and thanks to this connection, my husband breezed in after only 20 minutes, got the pain medication he needed, and was admitted for 2 nights. What a relief! My student’s family came to our rescue and I was so grateful.
I called this parent the next day and thanked them over and over again. My husband was finally out of pain! This made me realize how great it is to let my students and their families into my life as more than just students and paying clients. When I first started teaching, I heard about teachers trying to maintain a cool distance, in order to create respect, or something like that. I struggled with this idea, but after a few months, decided it wasn’t for me. I like people, and I care about my students. I want them to feel close to me. I have made friends with several of my students’ parents over the years. I highly recommend community building to other private teachers as well. It’s not just about having someone that can swoosh you into the ER without a wait, it’s about having people you can count on to make you laugh, feel loved, basically be a community. I’m glad I let go of that “keep it cool” attitude, because doing so allowed me to have several families that I am close to join in witness to my wedding, a memory I will always have. I’ve gone to concerts, chatted on the phone, lent a compassionate ear to, and shared dinner with students and their families. It makes me feel like a real member of a community.
Some ways you can build community is by sharing a meal with your families. If you teach in their homes, this is much easier. If someone invites you to dinner, go! If it doesn’t conflict with any prior commitments, take that last minute invitation to join them at the table! They are telling you that they like you as a person and would be honored to have you become more a part of their lives than you already are.
If a student is performing in an event not related to your studio, try to go. This is sending a message to the student and the family that you care very much about them. This is a big way to create a closer connection. If a family you teach is going through a hard time, bring them some cookies, or a casserole. Something like that makes a big impact on people. It is so rare that people reach out, that when you do, they will always remember it. Ask them periodically how so and so is doing, if the grandfather is feeling better, and so on.
Other less personal ways you can reach out is to have a monthly newsletter. Share with your students what muscial projects you are working on and feature other students. Featureing other students lets your community know about who you work with. When recital time comes along, they will be a little more familiar with the other performing faces.
Have contests. Host a songwriting contest and publish the winners on your website. This gets everyone talking about your studio and about all your creative ideas.
These are all basic networking ideas, but the philosophy goes way beyond business. By building community, you make your own life a little better. Taking time out to get to know your clients will give you more caring people in your life, something we all need. We could all use a little more community.
Michelle, It’s very heart warming to hear of the kindness of others. I do agree that those you teach should be made to feel part of a community – friends even.
My own approach is to draw a distinction between lesson time and non-lesson time. During lessons we are there to work hard, have some fun yes but to focus on learning. Outside of lessons more or less anything goes for me but I like to make sure that students and parents understand the distinction.
On the whole, I agree. Community enriches our lives immensely (you make a beautiful argument for that), and anyway there is so much to gain as developing musicians by really getting to know other players and folks who place value on music.
There is a danger, though: when we really invest in a student, it can be a really difficult thing to let go of them if they decide to move on. Early in my teaching career I became so personally involved with a young student’s progress that her parents made the (wise) decision to move to another teacher, because I was getting emotional in a way that was inappropriate and unproductive. It was heartbreaking when that relationship ended. I know another former teacher who invested heavily in a student, even giving him a fiddle. The student later quit playing altogether, and the teacher was so disillusioned that he quit teaching. Both of us would have done well to remember that part of our commitment to our students should be encouraging them to do what makes most sense in their own lives–that we are hired mentors, not parents.
Community is important, and the benefits of human connection are worth the risks. But out of self-preservation, we have to remember that our professional relationship with our students is our entry point into their lives, and their entry point into ours.
Of course there should be boundaries, but that is true of all relationships. In the the student/teacher relationship, the teacher is always going to be the authority and the role model. One should never get so emotional over a student that it is hard to let them go! I have said goodbye to many students as they go off to college, summer camp, or just to take a break. It has never been hard to say goodbye. That’s life. And it is also work, more importantly. But maintaining a balance is important, and part of that balance is being open to accepting a dinner invitation occasionally.
I am glad your husband is okay. Sometimes it takes an event such as this to realize the compassion and appreciation that the students have for you.
Two years ago I slip and fell on ice, breaking all the bones in my ankle. I was laid up for six weeks after surgery. I crawled downstairs to give lessons, even though sometimes the parents wanted me to rest, with pay. Parents were cooking meals for my wife and I, as well as coming over and having their kids shovel the snow off of the porch and walkways.
Thanks for the article.
I LOVE this article. This is EXACTLY how I run my business. I truly care about my students and try to get involved with them as much as possible. I LOVE them and their families.
The more I am involved with them, the more I hear from parents who tell me how much their children have practiced and how much they are looking forward to their lessons. I also include music games with my students. For instance, if I have finished my last lesson and the kids want to play one of the music games, I’ll spend another 20 minutes with them playing various music card games that I have. I have been told specifically that I have received referral business just by the mere fact that I do this. Because I show to the family that I truly care about them and that this is more than a business to me.
Additionally, the truth is that only a handful of students take lessons on a long-term basis …. most quit after a period of time. I have found that the stronger my bond is to the family, usually the longer they end-up taking lessons.
I teach in the home and am invited on a regular basis to have dinner with many of the families I teach and regularly say yes if my schedule allows for it. With one of the families, the mother is a voice teacher. With her family duties and business duties, she has become overwhelmed lately. With all of the referral business that she has thrown my way, I wanted to do something to help her. So, I offered to babysit for her on Valentine’s Day so that she and her husband could go out on a date. I stayed home with the children, cooked them a dinner that I cooked for them before (and I knew they liked) and we all baked cookies after dinner (including two cookies shaped into a heart for their parents). I had no plans anyway, and I had a lot of fun with the children (and they had a great time too).
These are very precious memories that I am giving to the CHILDREN. I have some special memories like this from when I was young and my various mentors and I know that these memories that I am giving to my students are part of the legacy I am leaving to my students! The kids respect me, love me and I am giving them more than just a music lesson. I am giving them a lifetime experience filled with positive and loving memories. Everyone benefits!!!
Bravo on the excellent article …. it is a perfect home run!!!